Asking the Right Questions

Here goes my sixth speech in Crystal Talk Toastmasters Club. Sixth speech is all about vocal variety.


Asking the Right Questions
Good Afternoon Friends,


Mamma… why is the Moon so small today? Where has the sun gone?
These little questions… when asked by a 3 year old can put anybody in a dilemma.
What to answer, will he understand, what I say, …..
Answers and Questions ponder our mind…
When life is easy, we tend to make an attempt in answering these questions, which is non-stop.
When we are busy with something, we give them a cold hand and say “Can you keep quiet for sometime”


Friends, there are many variety of questions.


Some questions are simple, and some are so complicated that we take time to understand it. Some questions are tricky.
When Manager asks when can you complete this assignment? We are in dilemma or a fix.


When we are in a meeting, there will be at least few people who would be audacious to ask questions; some silly and few genuine questions, and we start thinking why didn’t it occur to me.


How many times, it must have happened to us, that we don’t know what to ask? Or coming out from our PM discussion with lingering thoughts, I should have asked the question in a professional way and not become personal.. Oh Gosh… What is my manager thinking about me….


I can tell you that as interesting it sounds it is very difficult in practice, asking the right questions at the right time.


Well, it is also an art, and asking the right questions at the right time is often tough.


So, today my speech is on ‘Asking the Right Questions’. I am going to give few tips on asking the right questions this topic.


Before giving the tips, I want to retell a famous Akbar Birbal story.


One of the audacious court minister told Akbar, what makes you think Birbal is smart, even I am smart and intelligent. Akbar said; ok I shall test between the two of you, some day. One day, when they were strolling in disguise, they saw few people walking with luggage into the city. Akbar asked the court minister to check out the information with them and know the whereabouts. The minister went and came back and told that they have come to visit their relatives’ house. Now, Akbar asked Birbal to go and check out. When Birbal came back, he told, that one of the person in the family’s marriage is happening. So they have all come for it. Birbal continued and told about the whole family details. Akbar pointed to his court minister and told him, can you see, why I think Birbal is Smart.


Well, Birbal had lot of information to say. You can guess how? He was smart enough to ask the right questions to get the minute details.




So as you can see, questions have lot of power. When somebody asks some genuine questions, we have to answer them, sometimes it stimulates us to think. Yet, we have some people who tend to ask silly questions and find themselves in soup.


Now, Let me begin with few tips for today.


The first point: When asking questions, at the back of our mind, for every question, we expect some answer, that’s in our mind. So, we should program our questions in such a way that we get that answer.
For e.g.
Do you think I should eat 3 meals a day?
Do you think I could eat 3 meals a day?
Though these questions look similar, but they would elicit very different responses.


Another example, Do I look fat on this? When this question is asked, you have to be prepared for the answer that you have demanded-even it’s not the one you want to hear.


The wordings of the question are extremely important. Be careful with your words. Frame them properly.


Now, the second tip.
Before asking any questions, first you need to ask these four questions to yourself:
1) Exactly what do I want to gain with this question? i.e. Do I want help/information or want to discuss, or want to achieve an agreement or suggest an idea… etc
2) Who am I asking? Like do I know that person well/ or I do not know at all or someone in authority ..etc
3) What is the right time or occasion to ask? Timing is everything. When you bump into your manager, or meet him at a party, you should not start asking questions about work. Think, if this is the right time to ask this question.
4) What will be the impact of this question? Questions can be asked in many ways. So think and frame the question. Should I say this way? Or that way? If I phrase the question this way, what possible answers I shall get? Is there a more specific way to phrase the same question? Etc..
So, always give some thought and use these 4 steps before asking the questions.


Third & last,
Now that you know, what to ask/when to ask, let me highlight you the two different type of questions to use.
1) Closed vs open ended question: Generally most of the questions will fall into these two categories. Close ended questions get the piece of information that you want, but it precludes the conversation. On the other hand, open ended questions will sustain the conversation.
For example: Closed: Can I help you?
Open : How can I help you?
C: Didn’t you finish the assignment?
O: What problems have you finished and what is pending?


2) General vs Specific questions: If you want more specific answers you need to ask more specific questions. Sometimes, we need broad and general answers and at times we need narrow answers.
G: Do you like your work?
S: What do you like about your work?

These were the few tips that I intended to share with you.


All said, the person who asks thought provoking questions or genuine and right questions, will usually be the commander in a discussion.


So, I hope you will use these tips, be the commander in your next discussion. that you have by asking thoughtful questions.
Also, I would like to add that these are just the tip of the iceberg.
There is lot more into this topic, for you to research and master the art of questioning and be commanding.


Finally, always remember that, “All the answers we ever get are responses to questions”
There are two major ways to get information: by watching and reading and by asking questions and listening.


All said, right questions, are the gateway to better communication.


Thank You.

Individual Social Responsibility

Here, I am pasting the script of my fifth speech in Crystal Talk Toastmasters Club. Fifth speech is all about exhibiting the right body language. So, I chose a sensitive topic, which is very close to my heart. Here it goes... This text is the full-version, contains my views more than the speech video. So, please read through and do post your own view points on the subject.

Individual Social Responsibility

Good Afternoon Friends,

Today, I have chosen a ticklish topic, ISR meaning Individual Social Responsibility. Today’s topic is very close to me.

The speech is divided into two parts, in the first part, I would describe what is ISR and why should one go for it?

And in the second part, I would request each one of you take become responsible and take up ISR, and show some simple examples to illustrate it.

Everybody is aware of Corporate Social Responsibility.

Sometime back, I used to wonder, what is this social responsibility?

From a younger age, in the primary school, we are used to have moral science, which instilled in us, that we have to give back to the society. Help others.

I always wondered why we have to. Has the society given us something? Or why should we worry about the society? Especially, as an individual… why do we have to worry?

Because there is government, there is a public administration set up specifically to drive the society, or manage the society. We vote and elect a government to manage all this.

So, where do we fit in? We are punctual tax payers, and give enough money for these government and administration bodies to run and do their duty, so aren’t we doing enough, then?

These questions I feel, would have surely crossed in your minds, sometime or the other. If it has not crossed your minds, please ponder over this.

So, I started digging up this subject.

Scientifically we have evolved from animals. So, I wondered what is the major difference between animals and humans. What is the difference between us and other animals then?

If you look at animals, they don’t have any society, they live for themselves, they don’t care of each other. Two tigers don’t live in the same place/forest. So, the word society is human induced word.

Firstly, I would like to ask you, what is a Society, according to you? It’s you, me, our neighbors, and our neighborhood. This is only become a mini society.

Mathematically speaking, when we do unions of such society across places, then we belong to one Bigger Set/Society as humans as society of Human beings.

  

Therefore, as we are social animals, we cant live alone. We depend on each other for everything. From electricity, water, to food, cloth and shelter, we are all part of a big circle. We are dependent on some one, and that some one is dependent on somebody else.

This is the significant quality that drives us apart from animals, the enduring human quality/ human dependence.

And therefore, we need to synchronize this circle, which means to live in harmony; we have to give back to the society.

That is why, we say, we should care for each other. We share our joys and sorrows together.

If our neighbor is in distress, how long can we be in merry?

To put more light on this, let’s compare this circle, to a factory’s machines and line feed.

In a factory, there will be some machines which are termed bottlenecks, so the input and output ratio in a factory is majorly depended on these bottlenecks. No factory is successful until and unless these bottlenecks are taken care of.

Clear example is the recent recession, which affected globally. And the awaiting Greece fall out.

In a similar fashion, in a society if some section of people are not happy, then that will surely affect the other section of people. This negativity spreads. High level examples are Dacoits, terrorists, newly added Naxalites, etc. Low level examples are politics in administration, in each level and the lowest level being in one’s own family.

  

All these giving back to the society, helping others, etc. are also individual’s responsibility, as we are the member of this society/human race. And this individual gestures are now coined as “Individual Social Responsibility”.

Now, I hope everybody understand what is ISR and why should we be interested in it. Lets, move on to the second part of my speech.

First of all, I want to know, how many of you take up new year resolutions? How many of you follow it?

Now, more specifically, how many of you take a new  year resolution keeping society in mind, or specifically towards your family, friends, neighbors, etc. Nobody…

Well, this because we usually, never think about anybody else other than us, I need to be lose my weight, I will do something, etc. It’s always, I.

Now is the time, when we start thinking about we/us. I don’t say, dedicate your life to mankind… Just for the beginning… making somebody’s day / following simply the rules / smiling at our neighbors/ socializing, etc. are gestures that work towards ISR.

Interestingly, most of us know what the right things are, we have read it, we see it, but hardly do it.

So called good manners to a certain extent is followed by everybody. At least I hope so.

ISR activities?

There are many ways to do ISR activity, there is no exhaustive list. Sky is the limit. You can monetarily help, join a NGO, etc. There are innumerable ways. But the only thing required is the interest and the humbleness to do it.

Well, I don’t want preach/elaborate on these activities. It takes a lot of courage, commitment and a passion to do ISR in a very large scale. I want to focus on what we can do on  every day basis.

I want to stress on the fact that, as they say, any good act should begin from home.

On a day-to-day basis if we can at least create a positive surroundings or increase the positive quotient in one’s surrounding by helping others, socializing with everybody, caring for others, treating all the maids/gardeners/security guards, etc with respect, will also work wonders.

These are very small gestures, but means a lot.

Well, an important example, if we are parents/would be in future, bringing up our kids rightly is also a ISR in itself. The comparison/jealousy with other kids, etc, if avoided while young will be good when they grow up.

I recently, heard this ad in the FM. It was a discussion between two kids, one says, my father  bought an apartment, I have room for me, so the other one goes back to his father and asks him. His father as part of consoling tells him, that your papa will buy u a villa..So the kid goes back to his school next day n lets his friend no about it… Such ads promote the divide n rule policy what was bestowed on us by the British.

And this is no joke, this kind of upbringing will surely hamper our kids in future as well the society as a whole.

As I said at the beginning, it is all a big circle, whatever good you do, it comes back to you. So you have nothing to lose, but you only gain.

For eg. If you have a maid, she is also a human, so respect her as another human being. Both of you inter dependent, instead of creating scenes and humiliating them, if we actually talk them in a good manner, they will be surely happy, you will be much more happier.

Let me give some simple examples, just think about these scenarios.

You have been invited to a party by your close friend, you meet a new person who is the friend of him, you come out of the party and  your waiting near your car for somebody, you see the other person also in the car parking, waiting for somebody else.

You see that he has low priced model of the same company and you r having a high end car of a different model.

What do you usually do?  We ignore that fellow…. Give a look at him… Cannot ignore; go upto him with full ego and half heartily chat …Don’t know what to talk about? The other person surely will develop a negative vibe towards you, and you yourself are shwing that you r not interested.

Instead of creating such a negative scenario, if we actually went upto him and chatted with him in a casual way, positively ignoring the car models? You would have made another friend for you.

Well, all said and I can just add,

"The future is not completely beyond our control. It is the work of our own hands."

I strongly believe that, we are all like the units in the whole system. If each unit is energized and exhibit positive syndrome, then the whole system will have to change subsequently, a major revolution is for sure.

I hope, each one of us, would take a plunge to make the society a better place to live in.

Thank You.

A smile

This is my fourth speech in the Competent Communication series in Toastmaster. The key points in the fourth speech is to take the listeners to an imaginative world. This means that words of the speech should be descriptive and each word is important.
So, this was my attempt of the 4th speech titled "A Smile". How I delivered this speech, do log in to YouTube to  watch. Here goes my speech...


A Smile

Good afternoon.

Today, I am going to speak about one enchanting gesture of human being which will make the whole environment beautiful and full of bliss. That is the word Smile.

Yes, my friends today my topic is ‘A smile and its features’. This talk is inspired by my son, who sees smile in all things, the car, lorry, spoon, plates, etc

To begin with I am narrating an incident.

One day I was very tired, frustrated in my life. I went to bed cribbing about everything in life. In the midst of the night, I was suddenly woken up by a sound. There was nothing…..I looked at the clock, it was still 5 AM.

I lazily peeped through the window, it was dawn. I could hear gentle voices, soft and soothing to ears.

I wandered into the balcony. It was the birds chirping and making soft music, what a melody it was. Leafs of the plants were shining with the dew droplets. Soft breeze blowing on my face… I looked up the sky. The orange color had filled up the sky, and everything looked so fresh and energetic. The whole atmosphere was scenic and a beauty. Nature at its best…

Suddenly, I saw a figure….resembling an angel in the clouds descending from the skies. I rubbed my eyes and looked up again, what I see, it was indeed an angel. The angel stood in front of me, smiling, I smiled at her. The moment she smiled at me, I was very happy.

I was mesmerized by her beauty and charm. I was more peaceful and was in bliss.

She whispered into my ears, keep smiling, who ever you smile today at they will be blessed…

I was so pleased to hear that…

The day passed on beautifully, and I could see more cheerful faces each time I smiled.
First, it was my cribbing maid, as usual she had come late, instead of giving scornful look and a blast, I genuinely smiled at her and didn’t say a word, initially she was surprised, and then she was so cheerful and she did some extra work. I was so delighted to see that…

When I was waiting in the traffic signal, I saw the traffic police. In the midst of honking vehicles, under the crouching sun, he was standing frustrated with rule breakers, and was screaming at one of the drivers. I thought let me try the trick. I looked and smiled at him. Lo..what I see.. he smiled at me back, and then on to all the other vehicles and the aura there turned magical. I thanked the angel in my mind for all this was because of her.

The same thing continued, in the office, with the colleagues and the managers… When I returned back home, I wasn’t tired, but lot of energy was still left in me. I was much more relaxed and spent good time with my family. I smiled at myself. I went early to bed, to wake up early and to meet the angel.

Next morning, I got up at the same time and I even met the angel, I shared her my experience, and told her to extend her wish for more days. She laughed at me and told me there was nothing magical she had done.

It was only the smile…..that was magical. I was not able to digest that, suddenly, I heard a roaring sound…I wanted to convince the angel, but the noise grew even louder… the angel vanished and I was trying to call her and reach her.

Thud!! I got up from my bed, it was my alarm ringing.

I shut it….and got up… I realized that was a beautiful dream…Sun had already risen and it was the start of a busy day…..

But then that day and every day after that was a beautiful day with a smile.

Friends, Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

A smile speaks a thousand words. The shortest distance between two people is a smile.Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. A smile can melt even the coldest of hearts. A smile can send a heart a flutter where once there was only stillness. A smile can dissolve anger or initiate peace. It can also cause confusion or answer many questions.

A smile is beautiful no matter whose face it belongs to. A smile costs nothing but gives much.  A warm smile is the universal language of kindness and it is the one which brings closeness between people.

 Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. 

If you don't start out the day with a smile, it's not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.

So, friends, keep smiling, be cheerful and let everyday be a beautiful day.

Thank You.